My monthly Albuquerque Tribune column appeared yesterday. Here it is:
Like a rusty pail, ideas don’t hold water
by Arthur Alpert
I was cleaning the bathroom recently when I noticed the sponge wasn’t absorbent. No big deal, I thought. I’ll just add it to my list of things – and popular ideas – that just don’t hold water.
o Technology brings us closer.
o Conservatives oppose price controls. Not when the drug manufacturers do the controlling, they don’t.
o Godly Americans and unbelievers are waging war. No, the Deity wins that fight hands down. The battle is between two kinds of believers - those who hear God urging love and justice versus the faithful who know he wants us to moralize and judge.
o Tomatoes are tomatoes. (Tasting some heirloom tomatoes recently reminded me that I regularly consume cardboard.)
o That democracy can survive government of, by and for corporations.
o That faith conquers all! (Example: it’s true that you must have faith to venture into New Mexico traffic. But only skepticism – about the other drivers – will get you home in one piece.)
o Elections equal democracy. (No, not even free, fair elections. Democracy also demands tolerance, legal protection of minority rights and independent judges, for starters.)
o History is past. No, the roots of our war on Iraq lie with McKinley, Cleveland and Teddy, even the gospel of Manifest Destiny.
o That the main bout pits conservatives against liberals. No, it’s (feeble) conservatives versus the (muscular) extreme right.
o That the Democratic Party stands for anything. (It will prove totally unprincipled by selling out on Social Security; remember you read it here first.)
o That major pizza chains sell pizza. Lunching recently at Giovannni’s on San Pedro, I realized that its Bronx-born pie must be what the Almighty orders in.
o That frivolous lawsuits are why malpractice insurance is so expensive.
o That there’s justice in this life. I heard Heather Wilson and Richard Romero agree that campaign contributions don’t affect the way Congress people vote. And neither has yet to be struck by lightning!
o Pricey brand-name fuel is better quality than the cheap gas I pump.
o A word has one meaning. Attached to Social Security, "reform" means, "death." In "Tort reform," it translates as "defending powerful corporations from the pipsqueak." And "Tax reform" equals "take dollars from salaried folks, give to the investing class."
o Religion and spirituality are synonyms.
o Only minorities play the victim game. The business pages carry countless sob stories, wherein the airlines, Big Pharma, insurance, utilities, coal and steel, plus poor, downtrodden Wall Street firms seek our sympathy. Must be tough when your government welfare check doesn’t cover expenses.
o That risks are the same for small business folks and corporate types.
o John Kerry is a liberal. (To argue, you must know what he believes, right?)
o We Americans still have the best health care.
o We love the underdog. True, we adored George Bailey once, but Old Man Potter is today’s idol. That’s him on NBC exclaiming, "You’re fired!"
o That behind the war on Iraq lies the Bush Administration’s deeper agenda – time travel, returning to the good ol’ days before the New Deal, when the right people steered the ship of state. Steered it right into Depression, in fact.
Oops! Sorry. That last is from my list of propositions that do, indeed, hold water.
Alpert, a semi-retired newsman from Albuquerque, writes a web log at alpertstruth.com. His column appears in Insight and Opinion the fourth Thursday of the month.