Here is the column that appeared in the Albuquerque Tribune yesterdqy,
January 26, 2006:
ONLY HEAVEN KNOWS
I will leave it up to the universe to provide answers to some of my most gnawing questions
By Arthur Alpert
Having failed at self-improvement, I no longer make New Year’s resolutions. It’s the Universe’s turn to resolve puzzles I cannot unravel:
o How can a pair of Levi’s go on sale at $26.95, reach the lowest price of the season, be reduced and NEVER change price?
o Why do we treat school kids as commodities? Testing. Testing. Widgets. Widgets.
o. How can a nation that respects Donald Trump describe itself as Christian or even godly?
o Arriving late for "Jarhead", I quickly succumbed to the emotionally violent and obscene portrayal of Marine recruits. Excellent. Lights up, I see the kids. Why, oh Universe, do parents take innocents to ugly movies?
o Why allow TV to shoot criminal trials for show biz use but ban cameras from the Supreme Court where they’d teach us the Constitution.
o How to stay awake reading New Mexico water stories. "Aamodt water rights case" makes me drowsy. "Adjudication" puts me out like a light. And I never retain the definition of an acre-foot of water.
o Why does Bill Richardson take heat for virtues, his joy of power and ambition. He’s brainy and disciplined, too. Given his energetic promotion of business and modest upgrades in education and health, isn’t he the best Republican governor in years?
o At a friend’s annual Christmas party, a guy, a scientist, says approximately this about terrorism: "Why didn’t we chop off more heads a long time ago?" Not Pat Robertson, a scientist! So is it maleness? What is the tie between machismo and violence?
o You’ll have to pry the iMac from my cold, dead hands. And, having read Steven Johnson’s "Everything Bad is Good for You," I even see virtues in video games. So I am hardly anti-technology. Still, when AP reports Americans are married to a bunch of digital doodads - MP3 players, DVDs, iPods and cell phones - I have to wonder: when do they listen to the inner voice?
o Why no guffaws, Universe, when Judge Alito said he has no agenda? We humans all do. Alito’s agenda is why President Bush nominated him. And it’s not conservative.
o Why every time business gets caught green-handed (buying government, that is) we peer at the scandal through moral binoculars - as if it’s about bad guys. To divert us from the system?
And why no applause for the entrepreneurs? Jack Abramoff is Jewish, colleague Ralph Reed headed the mostly Protestant Christian Coalition and pal Michael Scanlon may (I’m not certain) be Roman Catholic. You gotta like their ecumenical spirit!
o Why do the same credit card companies that foist plastic on dogs and felons demand that I show my driver’s license on a $5 purchase?
o How does Molly Ivins keep her good humor even as she brilliantly analyzes the corruption of our democracy?
o And why can’t George Will stop himself? He harps on the old Supreme Court ruling that campaign contributions are "political speech." Is George repressing what he knows deep down - that dollars aren’t speech but the cost of buying government.
o Why do we never learn that what politicians call practical and yes, "hard-nosed," almost always fails.
o Finally, Universe, how did "nose texture" come to mean anything?
Arthur Alpert is a semiretired journalist in Albuquerque. Email him at. His column runs the fourth Thursday of the month.